who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
