I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
3pm strippers are depressing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
