If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
