how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh god the rape fog is back!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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