Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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