Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
