he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
