i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
