If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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