Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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