My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
