I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
