Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
