i think i have two assholes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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