I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
