You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
