I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
