I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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