i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
