i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
