Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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