walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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