y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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