How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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