He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
