ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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