I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
