tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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