also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
