I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
