I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
