ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
