so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
