My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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