Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
