I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
