Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
