There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
