Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
