Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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