MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
