i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
