Im at strip club and am horny
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's no shave November. This is our time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
