I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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