i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
