Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
