Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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