So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
