The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
