That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
